The smell of alcohol and sweat
by green7silver
Summary: Five times Frank hugged Jim to make him better and one time he didn t. With an epilog, because I like happy endings.
1. 2238

Five year old Jim Kirk ran to his new home with a bleeding nose and tears running down his face. On his birthday of all days.

But this day was also the anniversary of his father's death. There had been a memorial for the death of Kelvin five years after the catastrophe, even here in Riverside. His mother had made a speech and Jim had been proud, if sad the same time.

Afterwards, some children made fun of his father, and he wanted to defend him. He really tried, but they had been older and stronger – and they had been four against one.

Because of this, he had been forced to run away. He didn't know where Sam or his mother were. Likely still at the memorial. But Jim didn't want to go back.

So he went to the farm, where they all had moved in a month ago, after his mom had married Frank.

When he finally reached the house, he could see that mom's hover car wasn't back yet. There were the sounds of a chainsaw from behind the house, which meant the Frank had left the memorial earlier.

Jim didn't like the new husband of his mother very much. Not only did Sam loathe him, the man was rather gruff and short-tempered. Besides, he was very big and smelled of sweat and alcohol most of the time.

But he was the only one home. So Jim went around the house, where his stepfather was shredding fire wood.

Frank switched off the chainsaw abruptly when Jim went into his line of sight.

"What the hell happened to you Jimbo?"

Jim hated this nickname, but nevertheless he ran to the man and held on to him.

"There, there," a bit awkwardly Frank picked him up and padded his back. That was all encouragement Jim needed to wrap his arms around his neck and to cry in earnest.

Frank didn't really seem to know what to do, but at least he held him and rubbed his back until the tears stopped.

Still, he appeared rather relieved when he could put Jim back on his feet.

"Now tell me what happened," he prompted.

Jim told him obediently, while Frank dressed his minor injuries.

"I don't understand why they did that," the boy ended. "I didn't do anything bad to them."

"Well, I'm afraid that is how the world works. The sooner you learn that, the better. And the most important thing is to learn to defend yourself the next time. There are some tricks I can show you."


	2. 2240

2240

Jim felt very lonely as he looked up to the sky. His mother was up there somewhere. She had returned to Starfleet when he had turned two, and after her marriage the missions took longer and longer.  
And this time, she would be gone for nine months. That was a very long time for the seven year old boy.  
Despite that, he tried to be brave on the spaceport. Instead of crying, he had winked her goodbye. Then he returned to the farm with his stepfather and brother.  
The drive had been tense – and things had gone downhill from there. Frank was on the fast track of getting drunk, and Sam was so angry over their mother's departure that he picked on the adult without pause, even insinuating it was Frank's fault that Winona was gone for so long. Jim decided that was kind of not fair.  
In the end, there had been a terrible shouting match which had resulted in the older boy staying with his friends overnight, and Frank was snoring loudly on the couch.  
So he didn't even have an older brother to comfort him. Jim was fighting down tears as he went to his room, and promptly tripped over some empty bottles.  
"What the hell...?" Frank woke abruptly.  
"Sorry," Jim meekly murmured. "I didn't mean to wake you."  
"Is that you, Jimbo? Are you crying? Come here, boy."  
Jim came to him hesitantly, expecting angry words. Instead, he found himself pulled into strong arms.  
"I miss her too," Frank muttered quietly as he settled down again with the boy in his arms.  
Jim could smell alcohol and sweat on the man, but it was a smell he had become used to. It was better to snuggle up to a drunken stepfather than go to his lonely bed.  
So he got comfortable and closed his eyes.


	3. 2245

2245

Jim´s bravado after the wild ride with the corvette had eventually failed. The officer had brought him back to the police department and lot of questioning and disapproving adults had worn him down. Even worse was the realization, that whatever he had done, his mother wouldn´t come back to make it better. Even if she had wanted – what he really doubted – she was on the other end of the galaxy and a starship with a mission wouldn´t just turn around because he wrecked on antique car. His brother probably wouldn´t come back either. 

So he was rather relieved, when Frank came to get him out of custody. Whatever his stepfather would do to punish him, it couldn´t be much worse than this well-meaning adults. 

Frank paid his fee and picked the shaking child up without another word. Jim threw his arms around his neck and clung to him in some sort of relieve. His stepfather carefully disentangled himself and set the boy down in the back seat before he drove them home in silence. Jim began to feel a bit guilty. The car must have been expensive. And even when Sam was right, that it had belonged to their late father, he also knew that Frank had needed the money for the farm. 

"I´m sorry about the car, "he said subdued, when they were back on the farm and for the first time Frank looked at him. 

Jim never had seen him this furious. "Never mind the damned car. You could have get yourself killed you stupid boy." 

He grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently: "Do you know how dangerous your little stunt today was? If you had jumped one minute later, you would have been shattered on the rocks with the Corvette." 

He pulled him in his arms so tightly that it hurt. "Promise me to never do again something so stupid." 

"I promise", Jim answered intimidated from the violent feelings. 

Later than that evening Jim made an assessment of his situation. Frank had had earlier a terrible discussion with his mother about the whole incident. He had drunken even more than usual afterwards and passed out on the couch. Jim carefully wrapped a blanket around him. 

He had to be realistic. Sam would not come back and his mother stayed each time longer off planet.  
Frank might not be the ideal stepfather, but at least he cared enough for him for not leaving. He was everything what Jim had.


	4. 2247

2247 

The psychiatrist looked at him, "You know that it isn't your fault?" Of course it was his fault. For not saving his relatives and friends. For surviving when so many had died. And if he hadn't wrecked the damned car, his Mom wouldn't have sent him to Tarsus IV in the first place.

But after three months in the trauma center for survivors, Jim knew the right answers.  
"Of course, I know that." 

The doctor nodded, though he frowned afterwards. "I still think he should stay here." 

"He needs to get home," his mother answered. "And we will make sure that he stays in therapy."  
She had stayed the whole three months with him in the trauma center. That was the longest time she had been on planet since he turned seven. He could tell she was itching to get away.

But he wanted to get away from all of the well meaning people trying to dissect his soul, so he nodded enthusiastically. 

Of course she just dropped him off at the farm before leaving for her next mission. And again, he was left to Frank's care. 

Frank was still the same gruff man, he drank too much and didn't bother to get him to therapy, as the boy could have predicted, or fussed over him. 

Jim even had to do his chores in the house again – which was rather soothing after being treated as though he could break any moment for so long.

Frank was not convincing or begging Jim to eat enough during each meal like his mother had done, but he brought the boy out with him working on the fields, making him see for himself that there was enough food out there. 

He didn't mind when Jim climbed into his bed after particularly bad nightmares either, but hugged him close so that both of them could sleep.


	5. 2250

Jim felt like a truck had run over him. It wasn´t the first time that he woke up in a prison cell after a bar brawl, but this time was worse than usual. Now that he was sober, taking on a whole gang of Hooligans on his own didn´t seem like as good of an idea as it had yesterday.

He was hurting all over and his head felt as though it would explode any moment. Of course he could only blame himself, but he needed his weekly spot of violence. And he could rile anyone up so much that they wanted to hit him. Not that it had been hard to aggravate the Hooligans.

But he had survived and just wanted to go home and get into his bed. So he was relieved that he had not needed to wait too long before his stepfather arrived.

After Frank had paid the fee, Jim stumbled to him and buried his hurting head into the man´s shoulder. "I don´t feel well," he moaned.

"I wouldn´t expect you to," the adult murmured dryly. "Lean on me, okay?"

He gave him a short reassuring hug and then led him to the car. There he gave Jim painkillers and a water bottle.

"Don´t you think you should do more with your life than getting in to bar fights?" Frank asked evenly after starting the car. He never scolded too much. After all, most moves Jim used in the bar brawls he learned from him.

"Maybe tomorrow," Jim answered with closed eyes, waiting for the painkillers to kick in. He got Frank´s point, really, but they were just such a dysfunctional family. He needed the violence as much as Frank with the alcohol, and Winona needed to lose herself in space. So he got into any fight he could find. And he could get even the calmest of people to want to hit him.

Even Frank – if the man was hurting enough, mostly because Winona had forgotten to call him again or was coming home later than promised – and in the right state of drunkenness, Jim knew exactly how to push the right buttons to make him see red.

Although, he needed to be careful there. He almost felt a bit guilty when he saw the self-hate on Frank´s face after his stepfather had lost control again. Last week he had even tried to tell Winona that he hit her son, and what would become of Jim when she decided to take him away again?

Frank was the only continuity in his life. Who else would come to get him out of prison every time he screwed up again?


	6. 2258

2258

After a bit of persuasion and a lot of threatening, Bones had finally managed to put his acting captain into a bed and treat his wounds. 

Of course he was right, Jim admitted. It was time to rest. Nero was gone, the Federation save, and Pike was back on the Enterprise. 

His mentor had looked pale when Jim visited him shortly before Bones had manhandled him into the biobed. But he was already looking better than on Nero´s ship, and despite everything felt rather smug with being right about Jim.

But he had it all wrong, the young man thought. Sure, he might have inherited the iron will of his father which told him to never accept defeat. But all he knew about George Kirk was that he had been a gentleman. And riling up Spock, the way to fight Nero – that was fighting dirty. And he had learned all about fighting dirty from Frank.

When he had left Iowa to follow the footsteps of his father, he tried to leave everything behind, especially his drunken stepfather and their unhealthy relationship. He hadn´t spoken to him in three years, and even left it to his mother to inform the man of Jim joining the Starfleet. But in that moment he couldn't stop thinking about him.

Now that the adrenalin was gone, everything came crashing down on him. A whole planet was gone before his eyes and they hadn´t been able to save more than just a few dozen individuals. 

Nearly all the cadets of his year had been lost with the destroyed ships. Funny and sexy Gaila, Gavin and Tim, all of whom he had gone clubbing with so often and many more. 

Jim wanted to cry, to curl up to someone who would hold him and make him feel safe. He longed to be held in Frank´s strong arms and smell his unique brand of alcohol and sweat. 

But Frank was in Riverside, Iowa – and without warp it would take ages for the Enterprise to reach Earth again.


	7. Epiloge

Epiloge

Somehow Jim made it through the debriefing without collapsing. Afterwards, he got some days to rest like all of the people who were caught in the disaster over Vulcan. He had gotten some rather hysterical comm messages from his mother, but he didn't have the nerves to deal with her right now. 

Instead he borrowed a hover bike and went to Riverside straight away. Well known fields were soon flying past, and then he could see the old farmhouse. The only home he had ever know. 

He stopped short before the farmhouse and his breath caught for a moment as he saw a well known figure approaching. 

"Frank?" 

"Jim? I should give you a trashing, since you haven´t bothered to keep in touch for almost three years."

Jim ignored the empty threats of his stepfather and practically ran into his arms. 

"Hey, it´s alright, Jimbo," Frank closed his arms around him and Jim finally broke down and began to sob into his shoulder. 

"They are dead, they are all dead." 

"I got you," the older man just rocked him and let him vent his pain while Jim didn´t seem to be able to stop crying. Later, they sat down; Jim snuggled close to his stepfather and finally felt safe enough to talk about what happened.

 _Fin_

Thanks to all, who reviewed the story, gave Kudos or just read it. There will be a companion piece from Frank´s point of view.


End file.
